Our Programming: The Scripts

Our system has what might be considered an unusual relationship with the media we were programmed with, aka our scripts. When we discovered our programming, it turned out that many of the things we had been programmed with were already major interests of ours, or were major interests from childhood that we sometimes revisited.

Some people in the RAMCOA community may not think it's healthy for people to immerse themselves in the subjects of their scripts, but if we were to bow to those people's opinions, we would have to stop being alt (as some of our biggest scripts involved goth/rivethead characters), never engage with media we loved from our childhood (because much of it was used in our programming), abandon some of our religious beliefs (namely our Satanism, which partly originates from our screen memories), and stop being a therian (as we have animal programming), among many other unreasonable demands that would amount to asking us to completely restructure our identity.

If you've read the section on our site about the character Troy Reiner, the part that talks about the abuse is talking about programming. One of our big scripts, which our programmer seemed to get from the internet, focused around a fictionalized version of Trent Reznor and Marilyn Manson, who were friends in the 1990s when I was born. These two characters were called Troy Razor and Meredith Maggot (the former of whom we have remade as Troy Reiner), and they were in what seemed to be an abusive gay male D/s relationship, where Meredith was the abuser and Troy was the victim.

We personally feel that the original reason these scripts were created were to facilitate sexual trafficking, because one of the way Meredith abuses Troy is by sexually exploiting Troy to other people. Our abuser did not physically exploit us to anyone but himself, but he would pretend to be different people while abusing us, and since we are partly faceblind, and our programmer could do different voices and may have had us blindfolded, it was easy for us to believe we were being abused by multiple people like Troy was in the story. This is why we might say things about feeling that we have feelings and psychological issues in common with trafficking survivors - we were fully meant to believe that was happening to us.

There was another story, which was partly interlinked with the story about Troy and Meredith, in which there was a Satanic church in a world where Satanism was not considered as fringe as it is in this world and was, culturally speaking, a legitimate and fairly respected contender to Christianity. These churches, however, were facilitating the organized abuse of children, including forms of gender-related abuse that, in hindsight, were likely meant to make us accept the corrective procedures we were receiving or going to receive for our intersex condition as well as potentially give us a negative view of gender variant people (which we of course do not have in the current day).

Where it comes to the scripts about the Satanic church, I believe these were used for the purpose of making me sound discreditable. The Satanic Panic was just winding down when I was born, such that, by the time of my programming, most people would be familiar with claims of Satanic Ritual Abuse, but most people would rightly think those claims were false. In my opinion, most if not all memories of Satanic Ritual Abuse are best explained as screen memories given by programmers to pin the blame on someone else and possibly make their victims sound disreputable. This is also how we feel about memories of Project Monarch, although this was not used in our programming that we know of.

Part of why our programmer used a Satanic church and stories about musicians for our scripts is because he was a music teacher and professional musician who, among other work he did, was responsible for a lot of the music we had at the church in which I was raised. He was able to go to the church sometimes when no one was around, supposedly to check the sound equipment and set up other things related to the music, but he would take me along with him and abuse me at the church, then tell me it had all happened at a Satanic church while showing me pictures of things like Baphomet statues.

Our programmer also used children's media for his ends. Alice In Wonderland was used to help script our innerworld; he told us that, just like how Alice goes to Wonderland in her dreams, everyone has a wonderland in their heads that they go to when they dream. However, he told us that some people can access their wonderlands when they are awake, and he had this ability. He could also talk to the characters who were in his wonderland, who were not the same characters from Alice's wonderland, as everybody meets different characters in their wonderlands. This was how he helped control my innerworld and what alters I developed; different characters I was supposed to meet in my wonderland were supposed to be the other alters I split.

The Lion King appears to have been used as a script, as evidenced by the fact that, during the Unification, the part we suddenly got back that started the event was a fictive of Nala who remembered being sexually abused, including when she turned into a plush of herself in headspace. The plush in question was an actual toy we had owned as a child, seemingly ever since we were born. We grew up with a lot of Lion King toys, but this was a little unusual, because we weren't actually allowed to watch the movie until we were 7 or so, but we knew the story and characters much sooner than that. Given that our fictives of Timon and Pumbaa are amnesia managers who were actively helping our fictives of Simba and Nala forget abuse, it is believed our Lion King fictives are scripted.

We believe The Chronicles of Narnia was used in the abuse as well, but we're a little less clear about how. We know we had a white dog who was programmed to become the White Witch and control an army of wolves in the innerworld, as well as headmates who share names with child characters from the series. We remember our programmer telling us that Narnia was based on old fairy tales, and the original fairy tales were darker. For example, he told us that the original story of Lucy and Mr. Tumnus that appears in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe did not end with Mr. Tumnus, who was going to give Lucy over to the White Witch (who wanted to kill any human she found), deciding to let Lucy go. Rather, he told us the original incident in the story had been sexually-motivated and ended with Mr. Tumnus abusing Lucy. I knew, at the time, that Narnia was not based on fairy tales, but our abuser, in addition to never letting us disagree with him, had also established a pattern of showing us movies and media and telling us they were based on darker fairy tales, even if they weren't.

The movie Labyrinth got this treatment. Labyrinth is not based on a fairy tale, and is not based on anything in particular, but I did not know this when I was young, and my programmer told me that the original story involves Sarah failing to save Toby, whom Jareth raises to be the next Goblin King. He told me that fairy tales are normally darker than in the movies, and this is true, but the events he proceeded to tell me involving Toby and Jareth involved a lot more grooming and child sexual abuse than is common for most actual original fairy tales.

Labyrinth was probably used because it stars David Bowie, and in addition to the story of Troy and Meredith, stories based on fictionalized versions of rock stars, or characters from concept albums, were another common source of our scripts. We refer to our main scripting as "rock star programming", and it seemingly involves a program in which the system is either supposed to fuse at the age of 27, or else the victim has a breakdown and kills themself at that age.

Pink Floyd's "The Wall" was important to this programming. The visual of the wall itself was used to enforce the Leeremauer (Voidwall) - a giant wall that existed in headspace that separated the territories of the innerworld and represented amnesia - and, just like how Nala turned into a plush of herself during abuse, some of our alters were programmed to turn into the ragdoll from the movie while being abused.

There was also a story involving a character named Rael, who is named after the protagonist of Genesis's album The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway. This character, Rael, is a rock star with DID and/or delusions, whose parts/delusions include both being an angel (Gabriel) and a demon (Raven). As Raven, Rael leads a cult that is based on what the band Led Zeppelin would have been like if Jimmy Page's interest in the occult and influence over people younger than himself had translated to the running of an actual cult through the band.

We have other miscellaneous scripts, and other media we suspect was used in our abuse, but the big ones were The Chronicles of Narnia, The Lion King and other Disney movies, and fictionalized versions of the lives of rock stars and/or other media involving rock music.

A lot of people would say that our rock star programming is impossible, because the lives of rock stars are not found in a single piece of very old, very established media. With all due respect to people who would believe such things, the claims that scripts HAVE to be from old, established media comes from conspiracies like the writings of UW Ozian (who fully believes in Project Monarch), and there is no reason at all why a source should need to be "established" - whatever that means, as many people would consider David Bowie and Led Zeppelin to be extremely established artists - for an abuser to use it to hurt someone.

We feel that the question "can XYZ be used as a script?" is asked too frequently in the RAMCOA community, because the answer to that question is always yes, as long as the media can be used to tell a story or a lesson in some way (which, literally anything can be). Rather, "how would XYZ be used as a script?" or "why would someone use XYZ as a script?" are more productive questions, and the ones we spent more of our time trying to answer.