Questions and Answers

Here are some questions we've either been asked or that we can foresee people asking and that we're willing to answer publicly.

Q: Why do you have so much information on your site? There's so much for me to read!

A: There are a couple of reasons. Firstly, web development is a hobby of ours, and one of our main hobbies. Writing is a hobby of ours, too. Adding more things to this site is a part of those hobbies.

Secondly, we remember the old web days when sites like this were common and people would dedicate pages and pages just to themselves or to their personal hobby projects. People read a lot of text in the old web days - it's why the rules sections of my servers are so thorough, because they're retro web servers. A lot of people I meet online find these pages very useful to refer to certain things about me or my system, and you certainly don't have to read the whole site if you don't want to.

Thirdly, we are normally not a disordered system, but we do get disordered when we are unaware of and/or in denial of our system. It can be very tempting to mask the system for the sake of appearing normal and being accepted in more spaces, but this poses too much of a risk for my alters to get me into trouble without me realizing it, which has happened before. The more information about us, and our system in specific, is on our site and therefore a part of our major web presence, the harder it is for us to go back into denial and become less functional.

Q: Why do you talk about your programming on this site? Don't you know that's dangerous?

A: With all genuinely due respect to those who have experienced actual danger as a result of talking about their programming, we feel it contributes to the sensationalism and stigma surrounding programming to apply this thinking to all cases, especially people who were programmed by a solo programmer who is no longer in their lives and who is so old he might be dead now.

On the part of our site about our programming, we have a whole page explaining why we think this about saying you should never talk about programming, as well as what we think the relative risks and benefits are in our situation. One major benefit of talking about our programming on this site, however, is that, just like our system, it keeps us from going in denial of our programming (which we have done many times before).

Q: Do your introjects want to be treated as their sources?

A: Our introjects like our fictives and factives usually see themselves as alternative versions of their sources, so "they are their source" and "they aren't their source" are both not true if applied in a black and white sense.

This is especially true of our musician factives, who are usually fictionalized versions of the rock stars they're based on and often did things in their timelines that have nothing to do with what their real sources did.

Whether our factives are their sources with regards to more controversial things their sources have done (e.g. factives of musicians who are abusers), that too is less than black and white. In our system, most of these factives do, in fact, have histories of abusing others in the innerworld, so it wouldn't be entirely correct to say "Raven is Jimmmy Page but not an abuser".

However, the circumstances are usually different between our alters' timelines and what their sources did in this life. Their victims were other headmates who by and large have forgiven their abusers and are being allowed to process what happened.

Most of the time this abuse happened, it was under the instructions of our programmer, and since our programmer is no longer in our life, our programmed headmates have no real reason to do what he wanted them to. This applies to innerworld abuse.

Q: Are your introjects source-positive?

A: It depends on the introject. Most of us do, in fact, have a degree of source positivity. For example, headmates who are factives of musicians who have done terrible things usually don't feel positively about the musician themself, but they probably still like the music, and they might also still find the musician attractive despite not wanting to. If it's not a person who's done anything bad that we know about, we probably do feel positively for them, at least because they created music we like.

Where it comes to the fictives we have, they see a difference between the creators of the media they are from and the media itself. For example, our Disney fictives see a distinction between liking the Disney movies they are from with supporting Disney as a company, considering that we pirate the movies and, on the rare occasions that we buy Disney merch, it's always secondhand.

Our system believes in separating the art from the artist and that the general ability to do so is part of knowing the difference between fiction and reality. While separating the art from the artist isn't necessarily always possible (e.g. JK Rowling, who is currently using her wealth to destroy civil rights, or Varg Vikernes, who is a literal Nazi), we feel that this is possible in the cases of the introjects we happen to have.

That said, most of our introjects of Marilyn Manson in specific have chosen to willingly source-separate. They still consider themselves introjects of his music and persona, but they do not use his likeness as their PluralKit icons. This is mostly because Marilyn Manson is not only an abuser but was the basis for an abuser character from our programming, as well as the person that one of our abusers copied their persona off of, so even though we like his music and are partly attracted to him, our introjects of him try as much as possible to have an identity that isn't directly related to him.

Q: Are you an alcoholic?

A: I personally consider myself an alcoholic, but different people might disagree. It's true I have a poly-substance addiction and that I drink alcohol. I normally do not drink in moderation when I drink, and it is not unusual for me to drink at earlier hours than people normally drink.

However, I do not experience alcohol withdrawal symptoms because I keep my drinking to only two or three days a week. Part of the reason I do this is because, if I didn't have an explicit rule about not drinking every day, I WOULD drink every day, and then I WOULD have alcohol withdrawal symptoms.

On the days I don't drink, I use kratom, which I also don't seem to experience withdrawal symptoms from, despite some habitual users reporting such symptoms. I actively manage my substance use such that I am always high on weed (which I use not just for fun to but to manage my anxiety) as well as an additional substance, and that substance alternates between kratom and alcohol at a rate that prefers kratom but does not result in dependency on either substance.

It is worth mentioning that, unlike some substance users, I do not act particularly different while drunk/high than I do while sober. Alcohol does not seem to impair my judgement, make me aggressive, or bring out anything bad in me. At best, it puts me in a better mood, and at worst, it makes me fall asleep.

Q: What is kratom?

A: Kratom is a psychoactive substance that is considered in a legal gray area where I live. It is illegal to purchase it over the internet, but it is legal to purchase in person.

Kratom comes from a leaf that has psychoactive properties. Specifically, it activates your opioid receptors, so the effect is similar to a painkiller like tramadol or Vicodin.

While comparing it to heroin probably overstates the effects of kratom, kratom does technically activate the same chemical response that heroin does. Many of our headmates were heroin addicts in their timelines and they experienced cravings for it, or for opioid painkillers, including before we used kratom. Kratom satisfies these cravings.

Because kratom activates the opioid receptors, I also find it also works as a painkiller and is helpful for my arthritis. While the original reason I started using it was recreationally, I do also use it medically now that I've tried it and know it can be used that way.

Q: What is your stance on XYZ?

A: I dislike much of the concept of using ideological stances as labels, which, most of the time people on the internet ask "what's your stance on XYZ", they're looking for a label, not a nuanced response.

If you absolutely need this information and the actual content of my site doesn't make something clear enough for you, I'd recommend checking the about page of the site of any of my Discord servers (link takes you to the one for Plural Dreams). If you have questions about it, I'd recommend the questions page of any of those sites.

Q: Can I join your Discord servers?

A: If you're an adult who agrees with the rules and policies and has at least one social media stating your age or age range (it's either that or ID verification, sorry), yes! Check out the Social Rodent site, which has links to the Neocities sites for all the different servers I run.

Q: What is retro web and what makes your servers retro web?

A: Retro web is a term for anything on the current-day internet that is made in emulation of the old web. For example, the site SpaceHey is a retro web social media, because it is modeled after MySpace.

Social Rodent servers are designed to be welcoming and accepting and to care more about experiences than arbitrary labels. They are smaller communities whose management is a part of the community itself. The rules and policies are thorough, and some might say they're too lengthy to read, but they set clear expectations for the shared space.

All of this is consistent with how I remember the old web. Old web spaces were usually more judgment-free than current spaces, and while they often had very lengthy rules you had to read before gaining access to a forum or game, the thoroughness of the rules meant that everyone was on the same page about what was and wasn't okay.

Q: Why do you celebrate Día de los Muertos if you're white?

A: We are part Mexican from our biological mother. We were not raised with her, but if we had been, we would have had more knowledge of Mexican culture than we do now. We are white and were not raised to think of ourselves as anything but white, but you can be white and Mexican at the same time, and we did spend some time living with our biological family, including celebrating Día de los Muertos with them. Even if we had not lived with them, that would not erase the fact that they are our family and that they follow certain cultural practices, such as Día de los Muertos.

We grew up in an area with a large Latino population, and while the Latino/Mexican community in the area I've moved to is smaller and I therefore don't always feel as connected to this part of me as I did when I lived elsewhere with my biological family, I consider Día de los Muertos to be a cultural practice I have access to, and I consider it to be acceptable to invite my friends to celebrate it with me.

I sometimes experience psychosis, delusions, and/or spiritual revelations related to death or the afterlife around that time of year. It was also on November 2, 2025 that we discovered we have the ability to channel ghosts into our headspace, such as the ghost of our dead friend Sebastian. Additionally, our factives of deceased people can turn into monarch butterflies in headspace on Día de los Muertos, because of the traditional belief that the souls of the dead are carried on the wings of monarch butterflies.

Día de los Muertos is therefore important to our system, and we often talk about it a lot during the time surrounding it. This includes some of our headmates who were Mexican or part Mexican in their timelines, which we have a few of due to our history with our biological family.

Q: Who's that ex you mention on some of the parts of this site and your blog? I want to find them and show them what for.

A: Where it comes to the situation with my ex QPP (which Kino made two blog posts about here and here), I am keeping them anonymous on purpose.

I do not want to ruin their online career or their social life, even if I feel that many of the people around them would leave them if they cared about my side of the story, which they usually don't. I don't want anyone trying to figure out who they are and track them down and try to contact them on my behalf for anything, for any reason.

Following the breakup, my ex blocked me on multiple social media platforms, even though I was the one who was scared of them, so they clearly don't want anything to do with me. They are very very anti-harassment, and if you contact them on my behalf for any reason, even if it's to have a calm and good faith conversation explaining to them where they went wrong, they can and will construe this as harassment. They will tell their friends that their ex has sent people to harass them, and I don't want people thinking that about me.

I refer to my ex by their first initial when I talk about them in my Discord servers. Some people who are in the servers my ex was in remember who they were and who I'm talking about, but for people who joined the server after the breakup and don't know who I'm talking about, I don't find it especially necessary to tell them.

The one circumstance under which I will honor requests to know who my ex is is if you ask me privately who they are because you think they're someone in your social sphere and you want to block them WITHOUT contacting them. However, their platforms of choice are Twitch, Egge, Tumblr, and Discord, and I only share Tumblr and Discord in common with them, so I really don't know how likely it is that that will happen.

Q: Holy shit, your ex programmed you?

A: Not exactly. If you've heard me talk about the situation, you might be aware that some of the ways my ex treated me triggered and took advantage of my programming, but they never personally programmed me and what they did is a little more complex than that.

One thing they did was take advantage of my programming, whether they knew they were doing this or not. I was programmed to be the emotional caretaker of an angry and controlling person, and that is basically the situation my ex put me in with my relationship with them. I was also given programming that was intended to make me loyal to my abuser and to God, and in the absence of those things, I behave in a way where I often see my partner in place of those things. This behavior is extremely common for programming victims. I know this isn't healthy of me, and it's something I'm working on, but it was what I was like when my ex met me.

Another thing they did was allow me to put myself in a situation where my programmer's goals were finally partially met. Explaining this involves kink, but basically, our programmer's abuse of us was partly a form of corrective sexual assault intended to cause me to become a woman. In my relationship with my ex, I explored gender-related kinks such as forcefem, and I felt as though, under certain circumstances, I actually temporarily became a woman, as a temporary identity disturbance experienced during kink.

While I didn't realize it at the time, these interactions in kink constituted a situation in which the abuser's goals were temporarily met. If my ex had been more actively into genderplay, it's possible those goals could have been met more frequently or even in a long-term sense (e.g. my sense of identity altering for the relationship). While my ex didn't push me into those kinks and I don't consider this situation a part of my mistreatment or abuse, it is still true that this was a situation I got into with my ex that caused my programmer's goals to temporarily be met, and being that that undoubtedly psychologically affected me and led to certain developments within the system, that's important for me to talk about.

Q: I don't really get how you can be cis and trans at the same time or why willomancy should be accepted. Could you explain that to me?

A: If you are asking me in good faith and are willing to change your mind if presented with logical explanations, I am happy to explain some of the more unusual aspects of my identity to people. Not everyone is required to be an educator, and I am normally mostly an educator on different topics, but if you are someone who is already engaging with me and has questions about these kinds of things, I'm genuinely happy to explain it to you.

However, you DO need to have an open mind and be willing to accept that you might be wrong, or that you've made certain assumptions without realizing them. For example, people who don't understand how I can be trans and cis at the same time have usually made the assumption that trans and cis are a binary that literally everyone fits into, like how transphobic people see "male" and "female".

Additionally, many pages of this website explain, in great detail, things about our identity and experiences, like how we can be cis and trans, how we can be a sapphic gay man, how we were programmed by just one person, what (in our case) it means to be partly endogenic while having DID, and what we think the value of willomancy is, so while we're happy to answer questions if they come up in conversation, there's a chance we might also direct you to a page of our site.

Q: Why do you have so many headmates with German names? (e.g. Emmerich, Engelbert, Albrecht, etc.)

A: One aspect of our family heritage from our adoptive family is that we are partly German from our adoptive father. He spoke the language and he even lived in West Germany briefly during the time of the Berlin Wall because his job took him there.

We also like a lot of music that is in German, including Neue Deutsche Härte like Rammstein, but also genres like EBM and Neue Deutsche Welle. Some of our headmates with German names have musical sources that are German.

Additionally, when our adoptive father programmed us, there were some headmates who he programmed to only or mostly speak German, when the other parts only spoke English. Many of these headmates did, in fact, speak German when they rejoined the system (albeit without knowledge of their programming), but they have lost fluency over time. Someday, we might try to learn German again, but if we went back to language learning, we would be more interested in trying to learn Spanish for the first time instead of revisiting German.

As a result of this influence from our adoptive father and our history of trying to learn German on our own in the past, some of the locations in our system and especially East Voidelia have German names. For example, the sidesystem Steeth Teeth is also known as Stahlstadt (Steel City), and Marcelyn remembers growing up somewhere called Teufelstadt (Devil City).

Q: Why do you have so many headmates with Slavic names? (e.g. Borys, Ivan, Zhenya, etc.)

A: We don't have any family heritage from Russia, Ukraine, or any other Slavic countries, but in addition to growing up knowing a few cousins who were originally from Russia and were adopted into the family at such an age that they fully remembered the language and culture, our adoptive father programmed us to have Russian alters.

We were born in 1994, and the Cold War was over, but it was a fairly recent memory, especially to someone who was as old as our adoptive father was (who was a young adult when news of the MK Ultra experiments broke). We have an odd memory in which he adopted a Russian accent, asked if we were a Russian spy, and quizzed us on certain autobiographical details (e.g. our address, our full name, etc.), only to be seemingly disappointed when I answered factually, as though he wanted me to be the Russian spy.

This incident happened many many times throughout childhood, and while we haven't recovered any of the Russian spy alters themselves, we have found programmed-in area in our headspace that has files written in Russian, or our headspace's equivalent of it. If someone in our system has reason to have knowledge of a language we don't actually know (e.g. because they're an introject) but that we've heard (e.g. through movies or music), they can "speak" the language in headspace. That is, they can say things that come out sounding like that language in headspace and they will only be understood by headmates who have reason to know the same language. This includes Russian, and only our alters who would know Russian or a similar language can translate the files we found.

A more positive reason we have Slavic alters is because of our friendship as of 2024 or so with a system who is bodily Ukrainian and who tells me a lot about the culture, language, food, and history of Ukraine. One of our alters, Bleviel/Borys, is an introject of a Ukrainian album they showed us. It may also be relevant that one of our oldest alters, Tanya, is a fictive of an immigrant from the Russian Empire who was originally from what would now be Ukraine, and sie remembers a timeline from our childhood set in then-modern times in which sie and hir brother were adopted from Ukraine.

Q: Why are your rant posts public and rebloggable on Fediverse but not rebloggable on Tumblr?

A: Fediverse sites are smaller and calmer platforms than Tumblr. It is less likely that people will yell at me or harass me if my posts about responsibility or intersexism or the capacity of disabled people to be ableist or what have you blow up on Fediverse than on Tumblr.

If you really really like the takes I share on Tumblr and need to have them on your blog, I recommend screenshotting them, covering up my icon and URL, and including a caption like "OP made this non-rebloggable but I had to share".